I’ve been staring at this text box for a while, trying to find the words to say. It’s not the blog post I wanted to write, especially not this soon. I will keep this short because thinking about everything too long brings that lump in my throat. I try to go on about my day without thinking too hard and letting all the memories come to me naturally. Before I go on, I want you all to know how grateful and incredibly fortunate I feel to have so much love and prayers poured into me these past few days. I believe in the power of prayer, and I feel every bit of it while we try to heal.
As many of you heard, I lost Grumples to a silent Cancer on Monday. How does the sweetest and most energetic dog just get taken from this earth so suddenly? I think that was the hardest part to understand.
I’m not ready to write a story about how it all happened because I’m trying to move forward, and it pains me. Grumples passed away from hemangiosarcoma. In his case, the tumor planted itself on his spleen and ruptured, forcing us to make a gut-wrenching decision that day. The survival rate is usually 3-6 months after surgery and while going through chemotherapy. Grumples lived the absolute BEST ten years of his life. He was never in pain, and I didn’t want his last few months to be painful and scary for him.
Grumples was weak but strong enough to know who I was, and I spent a few hours talking and praying with him in a room at the animal hospital. Kyle and I told him stories, made promises with him, and prayed over him so many times. I asked him if he wanted to fight this, and I asked him to give me a sign when he was ready because I was never going to be ready. While Kyle and I held hands and prayed over him once again, he looked up and licked both of our faces and then rested his head back down into my lap. We both knew at that moment that was God helping him let us know that he was ready.
The hardest part is being afraid of what death will be like for our pets. One of the most important things you can do for your pet is to be with them on their last breath. I think it’s helped me in this healing process. Grumples was still laying his head in my lap, and I kept looking him in the eyes and talking to him. I prayed that God would help me be strong in this moment. I rested his head in my palms, and I rubbed his eyes and said I love you so much, and I’m going to see you so soon, and I kissed him. I made sure to keep looking into his eyes as he fell asleep. I was scared of this moment because I didn’t know how long it would take or if he would be in any pain. He went so peacefully in my arms, within seconds. Please, if anything, be with your dog or cat in their last moment of life. It will add a bit of comfort to your healing process. This was so hard to write, but I think it’s so important.
The next few days are the most painful. It’s important to cry, get mad, let everything out, and never bottle it up. Just when you think you can go a few hours without crying, the tears come back when little reminders show up. Often, we think we need to get rid of all the reminders in the house to heal, but I don’t think that’s a healthy way to grieve. I want to face him everywhere. I put my favorite pictures up, his paw print stones are on my counter, and his bed will always be next to me, and if Leo wants to lay there, he can. I don’t want to forget him to make it easier. I want to remember him so much that those memories of him soon turn to laughter. I have so many reminders of him, and I want to keep it that way. He was my first dog, my best friend, and he got me through some of the darkest times in my life.
Grumples loved food. That boy could eat! He loved chasing bubbles in the backyard, all he wanted to do was sit on the porch, especially with his Grandma, and he loved chasing bees! He always gave me a heart attack when he caught one. He loved going for car rides to bark at cows, stealing the tops of ice cream cones, and he always wanted to be rubbed. He loved playing with his brother, and it scared me how hard they would play. He and Leo were two doods in a pod.
A kick to the heart is how Leo is doing. Leo doesn’t know anything other than having his big brother around to play with, torment, and steal food from. Grumples didn’t like very many dogs, but he instantly fell in love with Leo. I’m doing everything in my power to keep Leo busy. Even though I want to curl up in a ball and cry, I’m making sure to walk him, play with him, cuddle with him, and do everything I can to keep him from heavy grieving. He’s starting to look around, losing a bit of interest in play, and seems confused. Leo has always been a happy and energetic dog, so I know he’s going to bounce back and be himself again. One of the things we did while having Grumples was leave Leo home with him all the time. Grumples didn’t do too well in public, so we didn’t take Leo too many please because we felt bad. Now, we are going to pour our hearts and attention into Leo. He’s going to be going everywhere with me, going on walks, restaurants, pet-friendly stores, and we also made the easy decision to have him at our wedding now. He’ll be coming with us, and I know he’s going to look so dapper in his suit. Leo is so important to me because he gave Grumples the best companionship, and I think he kept him younger.
It’s really hard not to feel guilty about laughing or fighting the urge just to shut everyone out. That’s not how Grumples would have wanted me to be. In fact, if I were crying, Grumples would always bark at me to tell me to knock it off. I’m going to do everything I can to move forward, try to smile, and live each moment thoughtfully as if he’s watching me.
In honor of Grumples, I will work hard at advocating for other pets who are fighting cancer. The Morris Animal Foundation is a nonprofit organization that funds science and advances the health of animals around the world. Their studies have led to significant breakthroughs in diagnostics, treatments, and preventions to benefit animals worldwide. I’m so excited to share that we hit the $1000 goal to honor Grumples yesterday. It’s not too late to donate, and even $1 helps. All donations will be doubled up until June! It’s an incredible cause, and I want to continue to help other pets. A big thank you to everyone who donated. It means the absolute world to me; all of your messages about Grumples made my heart feel so warm. He was so loved by everyone, and I bet he felt that. Now that our local shelter is slowly getting back to normal, I will get out more to volunteer. I think Grumples is up there pushing me to be better. I feel that.
I will continue to work on my healing and moving forward with all the good things in life to come, but I will never forget Grumples for one minute of it. I truly love all of you, and I’m so grateful you got to be here with me during all of the years we spent with my sweet GG.
If you are struggling with grief or recently lost a loved one, I want to share an article that Kyle shared with me. My heart goes out to you, and I pray you have the healing you need to smile a little more each day.
I love you so much, Grumples.
Luke 3:6 “And all flesh shall see the salvation of God.”
This was so beautiful, Taralynn. My heart is just so incredibly broken for you. I am a dog mom to two senior pups and while I know it’s going to happen, the thought of losing either of them breaks me into a million pieces. Grumples was so loved and you guys gave him the happiest of lives. I am sending up so many prayers of peace and comfort for your sweet family as you guys heal over time. Lots of love! ♥️
Well now I’m crying. You described the last few days of my girl’s life so perfectly. She developed an autoimmune disease common in older dogs (she was only 9) and passed a week later. It was absolutely brutal for me to lose her. It’s been almost 5 years now and I still cry about her. Thank you so much for spending time with Grumples until the very end. I’m sure he went in peace and is watching over you every day.
I am so sorry. We also lost our pup to Hemangiosarcoma in the fall. We noticed that something was off in June, but the doctors (vet, cardiologist) gave her a clean bill of health. Late July they found the splenic tumor and removed it and came back HSA. It is the most gut wrenching diagnosis. Every single day from July to October I cried, not knowing when the time or the hour would come as you said they can decline really fast. We had a couple scares when we could tell she was internally bleeding but she would always push through within a few hours. We decided when she couldn’t do the 3 things she loved most – eat, play ball, and walk to our neighbors house (who had her lab BFF friend) then it was time. 8 months later and I’m crying as I’m writing this, it is truly the absolute hardest thing to lose a pet to this awful disease. They truly are the most selfless family members that bring nothing but light to our lives, and ultimately the single worst day of our lives. Thank you for bringing awareness to this. I am sure my Molly welcomed Grumples across the rainbow bridge. Sending lots of love your way.
This is beautifully written Taralynn. I also lost my dog to hemangiosarcoma last year. It was so sudden and quick. Praying that you guys find comfort in all of the wonderful memories you had with him. He lived such an amazing life with you! Thanks for letting us get to know him throughout the years. He will be so missed. Sending lots of love ❤️
A beautiful post for your best friend. He was so lucky to have you. Sending healing strength to you. The hardest part of owning a dog is knowing we’ll one day have to say goodbye ❤️
😭😭😭😭😭 I can’t.
Grumples would have loved this – I love that he’d bark at you telling you to stop crying 😂
Leo is going to LOVE being out and about so much more- I’m sure Grumples would be thrilled for Leo, too!
I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE LEO IN HIS SUIT!!!
Sending so many hugs and prayers your way ❤
Oh girl! I can’t! I’m beyond sorry for your loss and celebrating your boy at the same time. He was your child and always will be. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers! Xo
I cried reading this, I lost my girl, chy, in feb, she woke up super happy and just laid down and was gone…my heart broke! Four years ago, we lost a boy to cancer and one month later to the day, I had another boy placed in my hands…he is a blessing!! So much love to you, I understand your hurting 💜
I totally feel you Tara. I had to make this hard decision in life too. I know that it feels so painful for you right now because Grumples was such a big part of you. I know it will change all of who you are. However, please, never stop praying and believing in God. Because sometimes it is all that we have left on this Earth when our beloved ones are gone. I believe that God sends us Angels for some time, so that they could help us in our journey. Grumples was such an angel for you. And now, as you grew up, you got the support in Kyle and your own self, he felt calm to leave you in good hands. He will still watch you from heaven and he will wait for you there. Remember that we are born and we die…but we never disappear…me and my beautiful dog will meet one day and so will you and Grumples. 🙂 He’s at peace now. You made his life the best he could have. I’m glad to hear that you still take care of Leo. He suffers too, so you are responsible mother to him by trying to make him busy. I am happy that you decided to donate other pets. I feel it is our duty as human beings to help them live in this cruel world that we made. I send you love and prayers, stay strong and it will all get easier one day…it always does..believe..Grumples will never leave you. He will always be there in your heart. You will learn to hear him. He will guide you forever on your Life journey. 🙂 <3
Thank you for sharing your story with us, it’s so hard to lose a pet. I was heartbroken when my dog passed away. Grumples was so lucky to have such a loving home. Thinking of you during this time ❤️
Taralynn, this was the most beautiful post you have written. Thank you for opening your life, heart, and journey to the world. You’re such a brave, loving soul. I just said a prayer for you. May you feel the deepest peace and comfort now. Angels are everywhere around you, God loves you, and there is nothing to fear. May the days ahead be filled with peace, tranquility, compassion, and humor. BIG HUG!!! Much love to you. ❤️🙏🐶
I am so sorry Taralynn. My dog Copper passed away 10 years ago from the same thing. Like you said, it was very sudden. They took her in for surgery and discovered it had eaten through her spleen and spread. I never got to say a proper goodbye since we decided to let her go then. I’m so glad you did. Up know Grumples felt your love and at peace during his transition.
Rest in peace Grumples.
I’m so sorry, Taralynn, my heart goes out to you and your family. Grumples is in a better place and free of suffering now! ❤️✨
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
http://charmainenyw.com
What a beautiful tribute to Grumples. I know that was so hard to write but you did such a great job!!
Still 🙏🏻 ❤️DD
You’ve been in my thoughts so much during this time. I only learned about Goldendoodles from your blog after you got Grumples and I swore that my first dog would be a Goldendoodle. I now have a 7-year-old Goldendoodle that is my heart and world and I wouldn’t have him if not for you and Grumples. Sending you all the love and healing during this time and thank you for being so open and sharing during this awful time.
I’m so sorry, Taralynn; I’m crying with you. We had to put our dog of 14 years down in November and it hurt. I will be thinking of you and just said a prayer for you.
I’ve been following your blog for years. I’m pretty reserved, never leave any messages, but always enjoy what you share with us. The loss of your dog broke my heart. Any posts that included Grumples were always my absolute favorite. Such a beautiful dog. I am so very sorry for your loss. Sending you much love and peace.
This has made me cry so many times the last few days. I have followed you silently for probably a decade at this point. I lost my golden suddenly in 2017. She was 8. It was cancer I didn’t know she had. The pain is unreal. I still cry about her years later. I’ve been on a list to adopt a senior golden for a few months now and got my call today about a senior lab that needs a home. I have two other dogs – one I got 3 weeks after I lost my golden and one I inherited when I met my fiancé. Neither have or will replace the loss. Facing the grief was the only way. I still have her toys in a tote in my storage. Her ashes looking over us in the main room. I have a house and a yard now and I hurt that she never got this life. Bottom line – I feel your grief and your pain. The fundraiser is such an amazing way to honor an amazing dog. If you’re like me, you’ll carry the grief for a while – years. I look at my dogs now and hopefully the one I will add and give them the absolute best love and life every because Riley taught me loyalty and companionship. All the love and prayers one stranger can send to another. ❤️
I am so sorry for what you are going through! This post was so beautiful ♡ I think part of being a good owner is knowing when your pet has had enough, is in pain or is ready to move on. I’m so glad you didn’t choose to put Grumples through any unnecessary trauma. He will be looking over you forever ♡
I’ve been following your blog for about nine years now, Taralynn, and it’s been a great comfort to me. I loved seeing you post about Grumples. I especially loved his name, too. I just pulled up your blog here at work and let out an automatic, ‘Oh no,’ upon seeing the title. I am so sorry for your loss. God bless you, and I’ll be praying for you.
I am so sorry for your loss. But please let yourself cry. You don’t have to wallow in a deep depression, but it is completely ok to be sad and cry.
I am so sorry to hear this Taralynn. My first dog was diagnosed with the same exact cancer and the same exact thing happened to him. He was able to survive a bit longer without surgery because my vet prescribed an alternative Chinese medicine called Yunnan Baiyao which stops the internal bleeding. However the end was very hard and I question if I should’ve let him go earlier. I am glad to hear that Grumples gave you a sign and went peacefully without any long term pain or suffering. My heart goes out to you <3
You gave Grumples the best ten years any dog could ask for, I have always loved how nearly every blog you have done Grumples has been in most of them. It’s never easy loosing a pet, it will be a year next week since I lost my girl to the same cancer, it was the hardest decision of my life and I still grieve for her a year on, its like a wave it hits you when you least expect it at any time of the day or night, the waves then become less frequent but still nock you over when they hit wether its a fb memory or their birthday rolls around. The best thing I did was take Austin my young dog with me everywhere not only keep him company but so I had company as well, he came to work, the gym, and on holidays with me. I think it’s lovely that you and Kyle have decided to have Leo in your wedding. Sending prayers your way
I am so sorry for your lost Tara. I cried so much when I read your story. I imagine how hard it was to write, but you did such a beautiful tribute to him. Grumples was an amazing dog, full of love and joy and he had the best life ever with you on his side. I lost my first dog due to cancer after 11 years and it was devastating so I know how you feel. I just did my donation and I am so happy that so many people helped you to hit the goal. I will never forget Grumples! I send you a big hug and all my prayers. Thank you for being such a loving person, I am sure he´s up there smiling and protecting you as your guardian angel.
Tara, that was beautiful. I think I went through a box of tissues. I’ve enjoyed seeing Grumples and all his adventures these past years. I loved seeing him hang out with Grandma too. He had a such a cute wonky smile that said he was happy and loved. He will never be forgotten.
My prayers and thoughts are with you.
So sorry to hear this sad news. I 100% agree that the best thing you can do is be there for them at the end, as difficult as it is for us. It takes real bravery to choose to go through that and it sounds like you did everything you could to show him that you were there for him. He’s up on rainbow bridge now watching you all.
I’m so sorry for your loss <3
I’m so sorry, Taralynn. It has been such an honor and a blessing for us to be able to watch Grumples grow. I remember when he was just a pup when I first started following you. Thank you for sharing him with us. He is at peace and you, Kyle, and Leo are in my thoughts.
❤️
Such a beautiful tribute to an amazing dog! Grumples was so loved. I am so sorry for your loss. I, too, dread the day my Jackson passes. All we can do is love them unconditionally and make every day special. Many hugs to you and all who loved Grumples!!
So sorry to hear this! I can imagine what a painful experience this has been for you. My five year old Great Dane was just diagnosed with osteosarcoma and we were told treatment won’t help. She’s been prescribed pain meds but now we are just waiting. She is still so happy and shows no signs of discomfort so it’s hard to imagine that she will start deteriorating any day now. All we can do is love them for as long as we have them ❤️
Grumples was a beautiful dog- I’m so sorry for your loss Taralynn. <3
This has me in tears right now. I have the same relationship with my dog (got her when I moved to a new city alone and she’s always been there when I was lonely). I dread the day I have to say goodbye but I know in my heart that it is not a permeant goodbye. You and Grumples will see each other again. God wouldn’t give us the gift of dogs and then take them away forever. You are in my prayers!
ugh.. i’m so sorry for your loss taralynn.. i know no words can help to heal your pain, but just know that you have so many people thinking of you in their thoughts and prayers <3
I had to stop reading this blog so many times cause I kept crying . I am so sorry Taralynn I know the heartache too well I lost my Cooper about 5 years ago and its still makes me crying thing about it . My other dog was so upset we eventually had to break down and get him another playmate. It is a long healing process and I am so sorry you are going through this . I will be thinking of you and your family.
Taralynn,
Like many others have said before so sorry for you loss, its never easy to lose a loved one. I have been following you for a few years now and just know any animal would be blessed to have you in their life! I’ve lost a few close pets over the years, and although the pain never really goes away, I take comfort in the fact that I gave them all a good life and was there for their final moments- one of the last ( but important) act of love I believe we can give our furry companions.
Take care <3
Manda
Losing a pet is actually very painful and difficult. My prayers are with you
This breaks my heart. I was told that Brea had a tumor on her spleen in March. She kept gaining weight and her tummy was huge. I had to make the difficult choice to put her to sleep in June. We were together for 13.5 years. Just know that you did the right thing too.